Excerpts from emails

I am corresponding with a friend currently based in Georgia, and we have lots of things to talk about sometimes. I am just taking a few lines from MY mail to him to place here. Some make sense, others require deep pondering.

12 January 06
Satisfaction is probably one of the rare things that human beings hold on to. Even the good people wants to become better, the rich wants to become richer, the bright, brighter. I cannot say that I am satisfied with my life now because I am not. There are so many things I want to achieve and I feel like I have so little time. So I give all my desire to God and ask Him to show me How good He is to me and not like the normal things most people think. Sometimes we try so hard to be good so we feel that God will grant our desires, but I think sometimes it is fair to ask God to show us how good He can be. We can only work as hard as our bodies allow us, and work as much or earn as much as what we can have. But God, with a flicker of His hand can turn water into wine and rocks into bread, why cant He make things easy for us too?


8 December 2006
Regarding your views, i see the same perspective. I have been hurt several times but I don't let that get me down or make me dishearten. Maybe a bit stronger and more cynical about people but I still see some beauty in some things. This is the tragedy of getting old, we are less thrilled, less surprised and always seeking to be happy. I rarely trust people easily, I don't know why, maybe I ahve learned my lesson well but sometimes I slip. Even wtih friends I trust very few. Since I have moved out of the Philippines and mingled with different kinds of people other than Iliganons, Cagaynanons, Mountaineers, Rotaractors and my schoolmates, I have seen so many types of people that it becomes so abhorrent. Some friends will jsut pretend to be something only you find out they want something from you. I have some friends you invite them for dinner then you find them scrounging at your closet looking for clothes that they can take. I ahve friends who borrow money and never pay, guys who pretend to be kind only you find out they just want to sleep with you (assholes) :-). Sometimes with my friends I am sucha pushover, sometimes I feel embarassed for them so I help them but its just goes up to the tolerance limit.

In the long run, sometimes our experiences make us harsh even to ourselves, bitter to others and pathetic to some. I don't despair, in this world, in this life, I rely trust and hold on to only one person. That is God. I know no matter what I do, no matter where I am, He will never forsake me, He will always be there to listen to me. He will always hold me even when I let go of Him. This is by far the most comforting thing in my life. I keep telling myself I have someone. So the rest of the things that are going on with me, what people do, what people say, if it hurts I always say, don't take it personally.

People will always disappoint us, whether our boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, brothers, sisters, parents, even we disappoint ourselves. But sometimes we have to realize this is the beauty of our imperfections. This is the truth of life.

Love is as perfect as we make it. Let is be perfect in its own way. I believe in loving till you are drained. I have been there. Sometimes when I am alone I keep yearning to feel an emotion so strong, but maybe because I have grown older, okay, more mature, I only shackled my emotions that sometimes I feel utterly numb. Its sad but maybe because it is not yet time.


30 October 2005
Do you sometimes feel like you need to do something else? Or is your job the one you wanted since before?

Sometimes I just want to stay at home, write my heart away or do some creative stuff or just be in a place somewhere, if onyl I can afford it.

Life is the city takes so much of me. It defies what I am, what I like and turns me into a shallow and whining person(bitch) who cannot be happy.

Anyways, I think today is one of those days that I reflect a lot about myself but cannot get a clear picture of what I am supposed to be.


22 October 2005
We do not know what lies tomorrow, we do not know what life will bring us in the next, fate is always a mystery that we always seek to find out where it will take us. We only need to fulfill what our hearts desire and what our minds hope to achieve, whether material, emotional or spiritual. All I ask is that God guide me to where I am destined to be. I try to be happy as much as I can because I deserve it and I owe it to myself.