Jehovah Jireh

Today I went to the mall to get me some jacket. The one's which I can use to work. I noticed I am more alert at work when I am clad in some jacket and when my hair is tied up in a bun or in a ponytail. Something in the disarray of unkempt hair keeps me from focusing on some work.

So anyway, off me first to fill Silverine with gas as he was almost arid, thirsty and really dry. Then I went to pick up Djahanne so I can drop her at this Gardena Salon for a perm. I thought they do perm because I vividly remember a friend of mine who used to perm her hair curly blond and they really look nice. The ladies at the salon turned us down saying they don't do it. I in turn called up my friend and asked her, she said she doesn't perm her hair but had it blow-dried instead. Weird.

So we went to the well-recommended Nicholas (we do not know the name of the Salon, we just know the Lebanese guy) at the Millennium hotel. It was crowded and when we asked for he price, it was actually more than we thought it would be. But the salon was bustling with energy that we could not resist leaving. So we booked. And we got a spot. Anyhow, I had to leave for my quest of the jacket. Djahanne was yapping on the phone while I departed gracefully like a woman who just had a trim (you know that feeling after they do something with your hair?)

So I was off to the mall, with the lure of sale thoughts bugging me since a few days ago. First went to pay my Dubai Bank credit card which was quick and easy. Then I had dinner at Mugg and Bean and I was hoping to find the previous owner of Silverine for some refund. Well, just when I ordered, I realized, the guy has left that restaurant already for another job. So I lingered, chatted and finished my meal. Then I went to Mango, I ended up getting a suit which was actually pretty but a bit too formal. I do not know when to wear it, as with most if not all my other clothes. I left thinking of getting me those peach colored jackets sometime tomorrow or before the sale ends. Then off to Extyn, which didn't have much to offer for me except for a light brown jacket which was actually too expensive for its price. So I ditched the place. Next target was Promod. I ended up buying a really marked-down priced jacket of some grayins-greenish sort of color. I was thinking of wearing them tomorrow. Then I trailed off to Pull & Bear and Bershka but got really bored so I thought of going to Carrefour to get Lewis some catfood.

We are getting to the crux of this piece, don't be bored.

I was walking out of the mall when I remembered I needed to pay some of my credit cards. I thought of asking UAE Exchange since I heard that they accept credit card payments. Turns out, they do accept payments there. As I was waiting for my turn, I realized I need to withdraw more money to pay all my credit cards in the counter. So off I went again to withdraw. When I got back, I was standing to this tall fair-looking Filipina girl who was sending money to the Phils. She was sending something close to 2thousand dirhams or so. I stood there and had a recall of my past.

When I first came to UAE, I had noble dreams, I had better willpower. I had wanted to save 80% of my salary and send them home to my bank account to enable me to finish law school up to the bar exam. But, here I was, standing in queue, paying for my debts. Right now, I am just a girl with a big collection of shoes and clothes with huge debts on my credit cards. I felt awfully terrible like someone who has a disease.

And I went on with the recap of my day. I went to meet someone for some job advice. He asked me several questions, one of which was 'what are your weaknesses?' In my head I kept on screaming 'shopping!!!' I wish I could do something. And then in another light, I spoke with someone who was quitting smoking, I asked 'is it like shopping?' Man. I really should do something with myself.

How did I ever end up with such a huge closet full of clothes and shoes in boxes that I rarely get to see much more wear? I have become so materialistic I make myself puke. I miss the days when I was content with short pants and hiking boots. I long for the days when I am enraptured with reading books of Rudyard Kipling, Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson. I miss losing myself into more valuable things and moments which can really leave me happy for days, even weeks, even months or years. Now, I am impatient, easily bored and difficult to please. It takes more than a swipe of a card to keep me feeling that I have achieved something in my life here in the UAE. I get the thrill of actually looking forward to buying something as a spree and taking them home only to leave them in their bags lying on the floor.

It often feels empty too. It is a totally different scenario, my life. Perhaps there is a cure for this. Is it called going home? I wish it was as easy as that too.

I will look for the cure.